回家

百忙之中的一次回家,坐K158次北京西到湛江的来回。对于乘火车出行似乎有着不可抗拒的热爱,爱看车上形形色色来自全国各地的人,以及他们参差不齐的各种口音。熄灯睡觉之前,广播里又放起了许美静,这一切使人感觉熟悉而温暖。凌晨两点一刻,火车到达郑州,夜深人静到使人忍不住想放一首李志,被乘务员温柔地叫醒,换完票后去硬座车厢补票,这样的时刻仿佛已经在脑海里上演了许多遍,坐在餐厅里等列车长,有中年男人围着餐桌打牌,他们醉意熏熏,打牌之余,不忘对当前政府高谈阔论,时局如牌局,政治俨然已是长途旅行中经久不衰的永恒话题,只是声音有点大,大到这一节车厢似乎今夜无人入眠。补了票,继续往后面的车厢走,盥洗池上,洗手间门前的地上,如往常般塞满疲惫困倦的人,我小心翼翼地跨过一个个身体,像跨过一具具尸体。

清晨七点,火车抵达信阳,出了车站,仿佛是从黑暗中逃到黎明。换了汽车,两个小时稳妥的补觉之后,家又近了一些。坐在公交车上的时候,才终于觉得彻彻底底的是家乡了。车里飘荡着熟悉的乡音,春天一过,除了学生,年轻人明显少了许多。汽车在柏油路上飞驰,路边两排笔直的白杨像是被检阅的队伍,队伍后面,是一片片平整的稻田,播种的季节刚刚过去,秧苗在恣意悠闲地生长,田里仍积着春天的雨水。再远处便是那倒映在水面上的一座一座的青山。乡村不及城市,但一年四季看起来却又是那样的分明,你甚至可以从车内听见外面的鸟叫。那个时候,你又想起更多小时候的故事,比如在紫色的泡桐树上掏鸟窝,比如在夏天的房前屋后收集蜘蛛网捕捉知了,又比如和小伙伴们挖蚯蚓赤脚到池塘边垂钓。多年过去,乡下依然能够听见蝉鸣鸟叫,小伙伴们却早已失去联络。回家的路段偶有颠簸,身体在颠簸之中略感疼痛,我想公交车亦感同身受,思绪在瞬间的痛感中被打了回来,风大股大股地从窗口涌入,坐在后排的自己又在风中望见母亲的白发,一瞬间像是要掉下泪来。

回家是办事,匆匆回来又匆匆归去。午饭时候,她像往常一样询问在外的工作和生活,我也问起她的衣食起居。又专门翻出手机里的照片给她看,我知道她的心是欢喜的。又说起自己最近胖了一些,说完撩起衣服给她看。小侄女从学校归来,又长高了许多,简直像那稻田里茁壮成长的秧苗。我拉着她的手去河边玩耍,姐姐打电话过来的时候,她还是不喜欢接电话,于是抱着她拍了合照,拍合照时她居然做起了鬼脸。

回去的公交车上,望见了更多的稻田,还有更多的白杨树,感觉比小时候还要多。家乡与城市像在两点一线之间,我从一段开始滑向另一端。傍晚时刻,又在信阳站等北上的车。莫名其妙地想起那些城里的事,这个时候,广场舞应该已经开始了吧,年轻人也应该已经外面跑步了,老年人呢,也许在遛狗。平时的这个时候,我也像个小学生一样,下班归来,背著书包乖乖无聊地回家。朋友们在网络上探讨北漂的意义,讨论毫无意义,或者说北漂根本毫无意义,故而每次讨论都无疾而终。如果说非要挖掘出什么意义来,我想是那每天来我们公司送快递的京东快递员,偶然之机,互相加了微信,后来看他的朋友圈才知道,生活可以那般快乐简单,比如下班后一次黄昏的街拍,又比如和女儿的生活日常,于我看来,这些都要比讨论本身具有意义且充满幸福感。

下了火车,在上地铁之前,人流再一次变得拥挤,像是这座城市本来的样子。地铁上似乎都是赶早班的人们,人与人之间默契地保持着距离,安静礼貌却又冷漠。个体像是一粒棋子一般坠入星辰大海。

下了地铁,城市又嘈杂起来,人们再次像发动机般步履匆匆。天空灰暗似阴天,心情也跟着烦躁起来。而此时的家乡,已在千里之外。

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