再见,北京

再一次被你拉黑。

有一点郁闷,但是想想你的女朋友们的男朋友们的待遇,我好像应该感觉庆幸。

但还是感觉像是被捂住了嘴巴,又像是突然间的溺水,自己犹如一个不会游泳的人,憋得要死。

当然,一切怪我。此刻我需要你,就像我需要氧气。

我们有过一个不成文的约定,我答应过你,每个月十七号会写一篇文章,关于你的,或者关于我的,或者关于一切。写完发到《有人带来了雪意和五点钟》,一个属于我们两个人的公众号。

十七是个特别的数字,这是你在《从海底出发》读书计划里的笔名,甚至我们当初打算建立公众号的时候,我们有考虑过要不要使用这个数字作为账号名称。

而更特别的,这是我们的纪念日,纪念有一年七月十七日,两个人终于走到了一起。

今天是二月十八号,所以各位大概能够想象,这已经是怎样一种灾难的后果,包括此刻我灾后无法重建的心情。我不害怕两个人枪林弹雨的争吵,我害怕没有硝烟的战争。

经久不发微博的你,发微博说:不再期待下一次旅行,因为要着手建立自己不舍逃离的生活。

我默默地打开VPN,默默地打开Insta,再默默地点开你的头像。

是的,没有拉黑,没有删除,因为你说过,你这个月的VPN流量早用完了。

我开始一张一张地浏览起你的照片来:

三天前你在我们新家拍的情人节我送你的蓝牙大熊睡枕;

半个月前在优衣库你坚持让我试一件我觉得很丑的衣服;

除夕的晚上大概是你和爸爸妈妈做的年味儿十足的翻角;

年前的某天你拍给我的可爱的无可救药的贝雷帽小视频;

你的相机形状的包包;

姐姐开业那天快乐的你,以及天马行空的糖马;

我从北京寄给你的蓝色耳机和明信片;

爸爸和妞妞在彩色的滑梯里玩耍;

而再往前,是长白山的小型机场,金色的夕阳里密密麻麻的白桦树,和被皑皑白雪覆盖的东北农家小屋。

到这里,像是一个断点,它隔开了欧洲和中国的两段生活。

那是十一月初的日子,冬天仿佛刚刚降临,一场短暂的旅行里出了无数的状况:

遗忘护照,机票改签故障,天池因大雪导致封山,哈尔冰的飞机延误,东北浓到使人无法呼吸的雾霾。

上帝好像是在故意考验人类,以此验证这两个人真的会从此幸福。

而这些快乐之外的意外片段,才使得那些短暂的记忆变得恒久,寒冷的冬天不再寒冷。

所以你在微博里说下一场旅行,想想那似乎已经变得遥远的长白山,他似乎还是翘首以盼,因为是和你。

至于不舍逃离的生活,他似乎更加期待,也是因为是和你。

即便是在申请辞职的前一刻,很久很久,那颗心也早已从北方飞去了南方。

像是无形之中有一种牵引力,他觉得一刻也不能等,记忆里所有美好的意象开始逐个坍塌:

雾霾中的公交车不再可爱,早班地铁上只有疲惫而瞌睡的脸,一整个城市像是失去光泽,失去光泽的还有那些曾经闪闪发亮的北漂的日子。

他几乎已经在心里开始排练离开的场景,像赵雷在新出的专辑里唱的那样:

新年第一个清晨我将自己打扮干净

带上我所有的心情离开北京

熟睡的人们还没有在新年里睁开眼睛

踏上这远方的列车,再见北京

《再见,北京》有13个想法

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